Tortured Memories
by Gray Maka
Summary: An island that brings pain through memories. A certain crew that discovers more and more about their swordsman. A journey of acceptance for a troubled soul. What will become of Zoro ? Will the crew keep their promise to help or will they abandon him to his demons. The pain is great but so must be their friendship, if they wish to succeed. Read to find out more! Rating might change
1. Island of memories

Chapter I: Island of memories

Sun blazing overhead. Warmth surrounding him. It was perfect for a mid afternoon nap on the deck. Luffy, Usopp and Chopper were running around the ship screaming like madmen about some octopus they caught, Franky hot on their heels with revenge burning in his eyes. They stepped on a new invention he had been working on for a month now. It is pointless to explain that it had been reduced to dust. Nami was getting more and more angry by the minute with their irksome behavior. One could actually see smoke pouring out from her nostrils. Damn, sea- witch! Brooke and Robin were overlooking them all with amusement in their eyes. They were older. They were more patient with the insanity of the youngsters. A slammed door interrupts his musings . Ah ! There he was the Noodle-Cook, doing his strange dance while holding a tray with parfaits for the two females. It was annoying just to watch him, lest to hear his idiotic rambling about the beauty, elegance and whatever that women had and must be protected. Zoro believed that must have been the starting point of his discord with the Love-Cook. The blond considered women to be fragile things that must be smothered and protected all the time, while Zoro himself considered them equal to men. Women could fight on the same battlefields as men with no trouble whatsoever. It was Kuina who taught him that and he will never waver from his beliefs.

A loud noise woke him up. He was on his feet instantly, but to his annoyance it was a glass that shattered. No danger whatsoever, but a second later he realized something was amiss indeed. It was Robin that dropped the glass. She was on her feet looking out to the sea with a strange and horrified expression on her face. Everybody stopped and stared at her, but then she fell to her knees and clutched to her chest the book she had been reading earlier. Nami approached her and asked what happened, but all she got was a stern look. Suddenly she was on her feet again and heading straight to Luffy. He was looking at Robin quite bewildered, but she placed the book in his hands and pointed to the tiny dot on the horizon. Her words flowed like molten ice on our backs:

" Captain, that island will bring about pain to this crew. It is your decision whether we sail that way or not. But be warned ! There is no island anywhere near it. We will have to sail another month to reach an island if we turn back now."

Luffy's expression was unreadable. Damn him! He sure knew how to keep a poker face going, despite his stupid actions sometimes. Now he was seriously thinking about Robin's warning. He looked at the book in his hands, then he turned around and glanced at Sanji, then looked back at Robin.

" This book explains everything ?"

"Yes, captain-san. I believe it does."

" Sanji, what amount of supply do we have ?"

"Not enough for a month, at the rate you are eating anyway."

Luffy was looking like a true captain right now. He was weighing his options and trying to decide what was best for his little crew of misfits. He turned and looked carefully at the growing dot on the horizon, then he spoke the words that would unmistakably lead to a new adventure:

"A mystery island… fine…bring it on. We will not surrender to any amount of pain or suffering. We have to endure. We will endure. Nothing will stop us, we have dreams to accomplish."

His little speech seemed to increase our desire to run wild, so we raised our fists high and pointed at the sky, while yelling a deafening "Aye Captain !"

…

The rest of the day seamed to flow by itself so by evening we arrived at the island. Nami had tried to get that book from Luffy but he would not give it to anyone else. He was on his special seat on the head of the Sunny-Go and he kept that book closed on his lap. It would make sense not to give it to anyone if he had been reading it, but he was staring at the island and stroking the hard cover of the book. He was smiling, but somehow I knew that under that façade he was thinking about the decision he took today. He had the burden of our lives and dreams on his shoulders.

The island did not seem much, just a tiny speck of land with a few trees. It could not have more than 1 mile in diameter. Such an island was usually considered useless here on the Grand Line, but one could not be sure enough of the lack of dangers lurking around. We agreed to stay this night on the ship and explore the island the net day. It was the safest way. Zoro took on watch that night, knowing that he was probably the first one to sense danger if it were to approach. The night turned chilly, but the young swordsman was not complaining. He endured enough in his lifetime, so a little freezing weather could not harm him that much.

'Stupid, don't start reminiscing about the past. It was painful, but it ended. Now I have nakama with me, so I won't have to endure such pain again. '

This night he would not go to sleep. Even though he could be a hundred percent alert even when asleep, this island had a presence, something that was disturbing his thoughts and soul. It was disquieting. He did not like it one bit, it was like the island itself was feeding on his energy, on his soul, on his dreams. He looked down from the crow's nest at the others that decided to camp out on the deck. They looked peaceful, sleeping like that. He wondered how could they relax like that. He was certain he never did, never, even when he was surrounded by his nakama. He could trust them, but he knew there were some remains of his past that he could not erase. They were making it impossible for him to fully drop his guard around humans. He was still debating whether it was safe to tell his crew little things about himself, nothing big, just unimportant details of his past. Humans tend to hurt one another for fun after all, so he wasn't sure it was such a good idea . They could hurt him and he did not want to be hurt again. He suffered enough. Zoro did not want a repeat of the past.

As much as he would have loved to stop thinking about the long history of pain his body and soul have endured, he realized he could not. It was strange, but it seemed like the island was attracting such thoughts from him. He looked back at his nakama then at the island. They were not hurt by this strange presence, only him, but why him ? Because he was awake. He still will not go to sleep, he will simply wait here in pain until the morning light would shine again on this god forsaken island and his nakama will wake up. They will relieve his pain then. He knew how to endure, he learned how to endure, he was disciplined and trained to endure anything. Torture never had an effect on him, because he was trained body and mind to resist it.

Hours and hours of reliving suffering made him numb. He could not feel anything, being tactile or simply emotional. He was numb to the core and it showed through his eyes. They had lost their spark, they looked just like they used to, when he was still a child. Just a pair of endless black pits of despair. The training to endure had made him loose what little emotions he had, it made him lie.

Lies. Lies had become second nature for him, just like Robin. He lied to protect himself, but it reached a point where his entire persona was so wrapped in lies that even his nakama knew nothing about him. His age for example. He certainly was not a nineteen year old kid, but he wanted to appear younger because it would calm them down. It won't make them suspicious of him. He did not like it when people would snoop around, looking for information about him. Knowledge is power, but he liked to have that power over others, rather than them over him. It was the training that made him consider everyone around him an enemy. He was always prepared for an attack. He was always prepared to kill.

Killing was not liked in this crew. Luffy did not like it, but he could understand the mechanics and the necessity of it sometimes. Everyone in this crew saw death take their beloved, so they were afraid of it. Zoro wasn't. He liked death. Death meant safety. If you are dead nothing can hurt you anymore, it is like an ultimate shield. He killed because it was his mission. No! It wasn't, not anymore. That was the past, this is the present. He could not afford to get lost between the two. It would bring change, a change that he was afraid of. Probably his crew finding out about his past, the thing he had done as a child and continued to do throughout his adolescence. He was nothing more than a murdered. A murdered that had no place it this world, in this pure crew, among this pure souls. He was impure, yet he wanted to belong, so he lied. Just to be with this group of misfits.

Light. It is light. Why is there light on the horizon ? Oh ! It's morning already. Just a few more minutes of pain , then it will be fine. Ah ! They are starting to wake up. They look happy, like they had a good night's sleep. I couldn't bother them with my pain now, I'll just hide it. It's better that way.

"So I guess it was fine. No trouble whatsoever, right, Zoro ?"

He did not answer. He couldn't. He was too numb. Humans are difficult, that is why I stay away from them. Why are they bothering me now. They should continue with their lives like nothing happened. They should not care for someone like me. I do not deserve it.

"Zoro, did you not hear me ?"

Nami was becoming more and more nervous. She looked ready to bash his head in. The others were looking now as well. They were wondering. What happened ?

Robin was slowly approaching me. She stopped half a meter away, but she was looking straight in my eyes. I did not like it, it was as if she could she inside my soul. Luffy was the same. Even though he stayed where he was he was searching for something. I realized, he was looking for a sign of recognition. I doubte he would get something like that. Not now, when I was so numb.

"Zoro"

A single word he uttered. It was a lie. A lie I made. Zoro was a lie. Zoro did not exist. Roronoa Zoro did not exist. It was a lie. I do not recall my name, so I created Zoro.

There was no recognition. Luffy knew something was wrong. He knew it was the island at fault. I could read it in his eyes. It was the same with Robin. The others were simply looking, but not seeing. Maybe Brook saw, who knows what goes on in that head of his. He knew the most about souls, so he probably realized he was in the presence of an empty shell. Something that had killed its own soul and forgot its own name.

"Don't worry Zoro. We will get you back ! Just you wait."

Luffy was making another strange promise. The others were looking bewildered, but I'm starting to believe the Love-Cook suspected something. They could not understand. Hopefully they will never be forced to understand. But Luffy…why could he not stop ? Why did he have to go and make empty promises ? Brook was getting closer and he put his arm on Robin's shoulder. I realized she was crying. Why was she crying ? She could not be crying for me? It was impossible. I did not understand.

"Why ?"

It seemed to shock them that I asked. But I wanted an answer, something to clarify this haze in my mind.

"Because you are nakama."

Nakama again…that was Luffy's reason. A reason that seemed to become everyone's reason. I simply looked on. I still could not understand why they cared. They could not repair me, I was beyond help.

"No! I am not"

Shock… No…it was pain. Pain was on their faces. They did not believe I would say something like that, but it was true.

"We cannot be nakama. I am different."

"Why you shitty marimo. What the hell ? Did ya' little pea sized green brain broke or somethin'? The fuck's wrong with you ?"

I chose not to answer. It was pointless after all. He could not understand, but it seemed to annoy him even further. He attacked, but surprisingly it was Luffy who deflected the attack. His black eyes were piercing straight to my core. Then he looked shocked.

"Zoro…why is there nothing in your eyes ? Where did you go , Zoro ? Why are you not here?"

"I was never truly here, Luffy. It was a lie from the beginning. There was no Zoro from the beginning."

"I see…Robin…Where is that book ?"

Robin staggered to the small table they had on the deck and brought back the book about the island. She was still crying. I think she must have seem pain in my eyes, pain, just like she endured. But mine was stronger…it was bigger and darker than hers. She was scarred…of me, of what I could do.

"Zoro…this book has answers…it will help us help you. But it depends whether you want to be helped or not."

"It has answers about the island…not me. There cannot be any answers about me in this world. I cannot be helped. It is impossible."

There it was. A spark, a little something in their eyes. Will…it was will. They had strengthened their will to help me. They were prepared to go to the end of the world just to help me.

"We'll find those answers as well."

"Fine, do whatever you want."

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_Author's note: I am curious to find out what you liked or disliked about this fiction. It will be a multi-chapter, but I have no idea how many chapters. I haven't planned anything ahead. I just write. So please review._


	2. Mountain of corpses

Chapter II: Mountain of corpses

A circle. That is what they were right now. They were sitting in a circle on the deck with a book placed in the middle. Robin said earlier that the book tells the story of countless pirates who came to this particular island and got lost in their memories. The island did not have a name, yet it was unforgiving to those who sinned. Apparently only those who have sinned are punished by the presence, by the islands' soul. The graver the sin the more painful the punishment was. The book said that to cure a sinful past was to forget said past. That made everyone stop searching.

"But forgetting the past… Doesn't that mean Zoro will forget everything ? Including us ?"

"Yes. That is what it means."

"Then… we are going to find another way. Not the one this island offers."

"I will look more into the book. Maybe there is another way of rescuing Kenshi-san. I do recall an excerpt speaking of a voyage to seek out memories and heal them."

Everybody was agreeing that it was the only thing they could do at the moment. They were terrified of this new Zoro, but they wanted to help, to get the old Zoro back. Only three of them realized that such a thing was impossible, since the old Zoro did not exist in the first place.

"Nee… Zoro…stop sulking. We will get your memories back, so don't worry. Just trust us."

As cute as it may seem, coming from Chopper, it only annoyed him. Get back his memories ? They never left in the first place. Trust ? Like hell!

"My memories are just fine."

"Eh… but then why did you said you don't remember being our nakama."

"I said no such thing. I said I don't consider you lot nakama. I don't understand the concept of nakama. For me it is stupid and worthless, but I'll let you lot have your fun, until you will realize that I'm a lost cause. Then you will stop pretending to want to save me and just leave me behind."

"We won't leave you behind. Ever."

"Why ? And don't tell me it's because we are nakama. I do not believe in such things."

Quiet. The quiet was the answer. They did not have an answer. They had no reason to save him. His sins were too great. He did not deserve salvation in the first place. Robin looked up from the page she was reading and asked the thing they all wanted to know yet none had the guts to ask:

"Why do you believe you are unsalvageable?"

"Because of sins. My sins."

"I see… Captain-san I found the excerpt I was looking for. It certainly is an interesting theory, traveling in such ways."

"Tell us, Robin."

"Well, the book says that at the centre of the island there is an altar for the gods of ancient times. Their names have been forgotten, but a legend still stands. It says that those with pure hearts can go to the altar and drink from the chalice, then go and seek out the pain and drive it away."

"So… what does that mean?"

"Seek out the pain and drive it away…Hmm, I believe it means that we might be able to go to whatever memory is troubling Kenshi-san and heal the wound it created over time. It might be considered something like a trip down memory lane, but we are the one who will travel into Kenshi-san's mind and seek out whatever is hurting him."

"Travel in his memories… That is quite a scary concept, yohohoho."

"Ok, then let's go and get the mystery chalice."

Easier said than done. Sure, getting to the chalice was easy, since there was no wildlife on this god forsaken island. All they had to do was go to the centre of the island and find the altar. The hard part was figuring out how to use the chalice to enter Zoro's mind. They decided to regroup back on the Thousand Sunny-Go and try to brainstorm into finding out a solution for their problem. It was Robin who figured it out, one hour later. She had been reading and re-reading the story of the chalice from the book, but she found her answer in the end. It was a simple concept, they each had to lift the chalice to their mouth and pretend to drink. Afterwards they would join hands with Kenshi-san in the middle of their circle. And it worked. Well, when do Robin's plans not work? They always do.

The trip down 'memory lane' was not a pleasant one, but it was short. It was dark around them, the frightening type of dark. It seemed to flow from the recesses of Zoro's mind and taint everything in their path. It enveloped anything it touched, even them. The Strawhats looked around and noticed Zoro did not join them. Well, they were in his mind after all.

"It feels suffocating…like an entity trying to swallow us whole."

"Indeed. Something is awfully wrong in here…we'll have to fix it…I guess."

"So…which way do we go ? Everything is pitch black in here."

"Probably the reason why he gets lost so often. His mind is completely empty."

"I doubt this is all it is to Kenshi-san's mind. We might have just scratched the surface. We will have to look around for a landmark of sorts to guide us into his memories."

"Hmm…like that door over there."

"Exactly. Like that door…what door ?"

"Ah ! There is a door over there. As expected of the sniper…his eyes can see even in this pitch black darkness. Good job, Usopp-san, yohohoho."

As they were approaching the door they could see a number carved into it. It was the number 5, in big gothic letters. The door was exuding large amounts of pressure. It was like something big and dark and evil was waiting for them to open the door and eat them. Usopp was trembling and muttering something about an 'I can't step through that door- disease'. Luffy was having none of that. His mind was focused on getting Zoro out of whatever slump he had fallen in. He wanted Zoro back and he will have him back, even if he had to go to the other end of the world looking for him. He was the first to step through the dark door, full of conviction that he will help his nakama. The others soon followed and they found themselves on a plain surrounded by thick smoke. The gray smoke was coming out from the strange lumps and piles on the ground. It was Nami's shriek of terror that made them look closer. The lumps were actually dead bodies stacked one on top of the other. There were countless of such plies on the horizon. It was a horrifying sight.

"Why are there so many dead ?…What happed to these people…?"

"It could have multiple reasons . It might have been war or epidemics. Who knows…?"

"Why do I have the feeling we will find out soon ?"

"Actually…right now I have a gut feeling telling me not to find out what this is about."

"Usopp, stop whining would you. I get it…it's creepy and all but we have to rescue Zoro-bro."

Reluctantly they started walking down the field until Luffy seemed to suddenly stop. The others were looking around, trying to see what made him freeze on the spot. Then a wide eyed Robin lifted a shaking hand and pointed at a huge pile near them. It was a sight that made their blood freeze . There at the top of the mountain of bodies was a person, no, a child. He was clutching a wakizashi and looking around. He was covered in blood, both fresh and dried and was grinning like a mad man. The one thing that frightened them the most was the smoking green hair the child had.

Then he jumped, not caring that he crushed a dead man's skull by landing on it. The child seemed like nothing around him could faze him, certainly not this massacre scene. He looked like the devil himself, grinning like that. Then he picked up the decapitated head of a child, the same age as him and said:

"_**You had I coming, Shuu-chan. You pissed me off even when I warned you that I will kill not only your family, but the whole town. See ! You made me do it Shuu-chan. It is your fault, but, oh well, I admit it was fun, ripping out the guts from so many people.**_"

Laughter resounded around them. It made them feel like there was ice pouring through their veins, not blood. Such maniac and disturbed laughter coming from such a tiny child. He certainly could not be older than five or six. To think Zoro was capable of such things ?

"_**Ah…I must return to Master soon. I believe he will be happy with the success of this mission. I wonder what will he make me kill next…I can't wait.**_"

The child Zoro spoke in such a malevolent voice that it made the rest of the crew shudder in fear. It probably was their self preservation instinct that was acting up around this monster. He could not be called anything else beside monster. Was this really Zoro ? This were his memories ? And if they were… were all of them so dark ? Just what had happened to this kid to make him like this ?

The memory suddenly ended and the crew was back in the endless darkness. They had returned to their starting point, but now everyone was silent. No one dared talk, terrified that the little monster will appear again. After a short while it was Luffy that broke the silence.

"Let's go. We can't stay here and mope around. Let's look for our Zoro and bring him back."

He had said it while smiling but a closer look into his eyes could tell he was furious. He was seething in silence. Luffy would get to the bottom of this affair and he swore that whomever had hurt Zoro so much, to turn him into such a death bringing creature, will pay. Oh, he will pay dearly, this Master, whoever he was. Identity did not matter, but the price will be paid. No one hurt his nakama and get away with it. If necessary he will put a hold on his adventures and seek out this Master, to get revenge for Zoro.

A new door appeared in their way, this one having a gothic 8 carved into it. They were scared of what they will find on the other side, but they knew they had to go through it to see the old Zoro again. So Luffy opened the door and down the rabbit hole they went.

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_Author's note_: Well like I promised this will be something like a trip down memory lane. It's a common subject on fanfiction, but I have no idea why everybody applies it just to Luffy. Zoro's past is just as mysterious.

_**Warning**_: This will not follow any type of pre-established canon lines. Well, I guess you have already realized that from this chapter, but Zoro's past will be a pit of endless pain and mental torture. Kuina will appear but in a slightly different context. I still have nothing planned ahead, since my ideas come while I'm writing. But please review and express your opinions. Likes or dislikes, but please review. I will try to improve the quality of my works, since English is not my mother tongue. I started learning English three years ago and I believe it shows through my style of writing. Oh well ! I started rambling, so I better stop and focus on writing a new chapter.

Bye Bye!


	3. Judgment of Master

Chapter III: Judgment of Master

Freezing cold was what the crew first felt when they walked through the door. It was a room, without any sort of lighting beside a single bulb hanging from the ceiling by a thread. It provided both light and warmth to this place, but in ridiculously small amounts. It might as well not be there, since it would be the same with or without it. Looking around them the Strawhats realized it was a basement of sorts, or at least a large hall. There were no windows but they could tell by the presence of a musty and dank air that they were in fact deep underground.

" I believe that the number on the door signifies Kenshi-san's age in the particular memory the door opens to. This time it was an eight."

"Hopefully that doesn't mean things are worse than before, right ?"

"I do not know, Doctor-san, but I can only hope that they are not."

Banging is what they heard, the sound making them jump slightly in fright. It was the sort of banging that is done metal hits flesh. Everyone was looking around trying to spot the origin of the sound. But they were on guard, remembering the events shown to them in the last memory. They were in no hurry to see dead bodies dumped all around them. It left them shuddering just to think about it lest they see something like that again.

Screams could be heard echoing in the dark corridor, the male voice resonating from the stone walls, inching into every nook and cranny. The screams seemed like they had been going on for hours. The Strawhats broke down and covered their ears to block the worst of the sounds. They broke into a run towards the end of the corridor and burst through the door, only to stop dead at the sight that welcomed them.

A big muscled man stood shirtless and blood stained in front of a sobbing Zoro. The green haired child was naked, spread eagle upon the cold stone wall, handcuffs adorning his wrists to hold him in place. He was helpless to the man behind him. Said man had obviously thought long and hard on how he wanted to hurt Zoro, how to make him suffer. He decided on the conventional approach, he was using a large bull whip, the strands separated at the end and spiked with deadly barbs to grab and tear at flesh. Zoro's back was in ribbons, he had been whipped over a hundred times, each one swung with the full power of the man's strength, each one taking flesh and muscle with it, ripping them from their fleshy confines. Zoro whimpers one last time then succumbed to unconsciousness.

The crew was horrified .How could anyone do something like this to a child ? It was unthinkable…it was disgusting. Hey were all prepared to kill the man in front of them, but they knew they could not hurt a memory. This man was just an image of something that had happened a long time ago…but heaven forsake he cross their path…he will die.

"Why did the memory not end… I mean Zoro is unconscious…so?"

"I believe we are meant to keep on watching, Navigator-san."

The man gazed at the bloody nearly skinless back before him and felt a sadistic smile creep up his facial features. The blonde muscled man's hackles rose and a deep growl reverberated through the dungeon and caused Zoro to whimper in his sleep. The older one looked at the bloody torture device in his hand and threw it across the room with disgust, it clanged against the wall, this satisfied him and his face became impartial.

The Strawhat crew watched with repressed revulsion as the blonde man walked towards theirs nakama, but theirs expression changed to one of confusion when said blonde removed the manacles from around the young child's hands, releasing him from the wall. Without the support the boy slumped limply to the ground, smearing dirt and blood on his chest and face. The impact to the floor caused Zoro to awaken slightly, enough to groan and roll over on his back, not realizing until too late his mistake. A scream of agony echoed on the walls of the dungeon and caused the outside viewers to flinch in surprise. The blond man watched, an expression of intense interest on his face as the boy writhed and groaned on the floor in pain from the wounds he had inflicted upon him. With a movement too quick for the crew to follow the older man knelt next to the injured boy and carefully helped him to sit up and get his wounds out of harm's way. Gentle fingers wiped the blood trickling from the corner of the boy's mouth, he purposefully made eye contact with the boy and licked the blood slowly off of his fingers. Zoro's eyes filled with hate and a slight spark of fear.

"Why do you not just end it Master?" his voice cracked from screaming and he cleared his throat, only to double over and cough up blood on the already crimson stained stone beneath him.

Said man raised an eyebrow at the question and slowly raised a finger to pick at his sharp teeth in thought. His eyes roamed the broken figure of Zoro and finally focused on his chest as if seeing through the skin and bone to the throbbing organ beneath.

"You want me to plunge my fingers through your skin here," He drew one long fingernail over the flesh that contained Zoro's heart. "and pluck your still beating heart from your flesh, so that I may end your suffering? Is that what you are asking of me?" Master's fingers traced designs in the blood on the boy's chest. Zoro shivered at the contact and turned his head away from the piercing blue eyes of his torturer.

"Do you think that I would actually fall for that? I can see the fear in your eyes and the hope in your heart and I know that you have thought many things of me but you have never been humiliated by me. I'm not ending anything Little Zoro-chan and you know the best part? There is nothing you can do to stop me. Welcome to Hell Zoro, I hope with all of my heart that you do not enjoy your stay." Master's smile grew even larger and his fangs flashed in the fire light in the room.

Using the little strength he possessed the young child leaned forward and spat blood in Master's face. A growl of anger and revulsion echoed through the cave and a wet slap was heard in the dungeon as the older man's temper broke and backhanded the beaten boy in front of him. Master felt bones break and blood smear his hands as his hand connected with skin. Groans of pain echoed in the chamber as the green haired boy tried to breathe through his mouth.

"I'm going to leave you here and let you wonder when I will be back and let you wonder what I have thought of to make you suffer the next time I see you." With those parting words The Master walked out of the dungeon The sobbing started when the door closed and all light was lost to the young Zoro.

Author' note: Sorry for the delay…but I had a total lack of ideas. By the way this is the first time I wrote a scene with torture and abuse so I don't know if it's good or not. Please review and tell me.


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